Most every morning I wake up to the tink tink tink of the propane truck as it drives by. The back of the truck is filled with propane tanks and their is a little boy that sits up on top of them banging a stick against one of the tanks, sometimes with a rhythm only known to him! :) And when I wake up to this sound it is a very real reminder of where I am waking up, and usually it is a stark contrast to what I was just dreaming about, home, family, friends.... ice cream :). But it is also a great opportunity to wake up praying. I love the mornings I wake up speaking with my Father. He alone hears all my joys, complaints and worries. He is my best friend. Even more so now that I don't have one to call in the morning and plan out my day. As I have been processing the last couple of hard weeks, I have been thinking on the idea of the 'old' self and the 'new' self. I read the verses, I listen to the teaching but it is still so difficult to put into practice in my life. When we moved here God gave me two lessons to remember, one was about Lots' wife looking back and turning to the pillar of salt, the other was the young apprentice burning his plow to follow the priest. We've burned our plow and released all our worldly possessions, but it is so difficult to not look back. We are a new creation in Christ, but it is so difficult to release that rotten, stinky, diseased flesh.
So on these mornings when I wake up sharing my heart with Jesus, I am able to keep my eyes forward, but I am also able to leave that fleshly self behind. I have to stop here, we will lose power soon :) Let me know what you think on this. I am struggling and could use some words of wisdom and insight :)
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Hi Niki,
ReplyDeleteWell...I don't really have words of wisdom or insight. But I did want to write and say that I was thinking about you.
I've been struggling a bit with my sinful self lately- and it is hard. Yet at the same time- even as I awaken to more sinfulness- I realize what a gift it is to even see the sin for what it is. So often I forget- and worse fail to remember things I've made certain resolutions about. My prayer is that God will not allow me to forget...that the things I'm learning now will come to mind as I try to please God in everyday life. But those sin patterns are so easy to fall into. The worst part is how easy it is to 1) think that I have a pretty good handle on my life and things are in control (controlled by me) or 2)be striving to reach that place. Both are horrible places to be. And oh- the worst part of all- the people I love that are affected by my sin.
That is where I am tonight. Tired by my sin, but thankful for eyes to see. Thankful tonight for God's mercy.
love you
Not sure if it will allow me to post, Nicki, but the Lot's wife image is very powerful. I will start to pray for a kindred soul to cross your path and make the journey less lonely. I'm sure you remember that TIME is a healer. Big changes take time. Adjustment takes time. Just know that it will get better, much better!
ReplyDeleteLacey S.
Praying for you my friend. I am praying Hebrews 12:1-3 over you. "fix your eyes on Jesus" was the part of the verse that I thought of while I was reading your post. Miss you and love you much!
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