coming 'home'

Well, we've decided to head back to the states for a needed break, and to get some medical attention for my head, literally not mentally. Although come to think about it, we'll probably need some mental attention too ;)
One word to describe how we feel... Conflicted.
In a lot of ways we've fought tooth and nail to have this become 'home' in the last 14 months. So it feels a little like abandonment.
Trying to think of it as just taking our scheduled break 6 months early, but its hard to really believe myself. :) Looking at it non-emotionally in the midst of this awful dust storm we're in right now (seriously I can't see to the end of our street) I see it as God's way of providing for us to not have to suffer through another ridiculously hot summer, be away and get a much needed break while our 'team' is all over the place, give our families a much needed time together with us and the kids especially, and I guess just take stock of the damage/benefitting we've had from the last year and a half of our lives.
My main goal for while we're home is, get to a place of understanding contentment in my heart. Why do I struggle with it so much? Time for some deep digging and I'm not gonna shy away from the hard hurtful stuff either. Time to root up and get rid of this terrible foothold I've been in-advertantly giving the enemy for a long time now.