Many of you have been praying for us, thank you. I still have a headache that flares into a migraine at different times of the day or on different days. Thank God for medicine and the fore-thought to get the perscription filled before coming over. And thank God for a flexible work schedule. That is how I have felt throughout this process, thankful. Thankful for my husband, for his job and the flexibility it allows, thankful for help with our children that he has been able to provide, thankful he knows how to cook, thankful for people willing to hear me out and pray or me, just thankful.
The pain in case you were wondering, is usually a full pressure throughout my head, with occasionally going to the left side of my head resulting in tunnel vision, sometimes with a decreased ability to see in general. I can't talk quite normally, which is quite funny, and when I try to type I type my letters backwards and switched, also quite funny.I am super sensitive to the light, and have to wear my sunglasses or keep a eye mask on my eyes for most of the time. I GET SO BORED!! lol :)
All this time resting in my room away from light and noise has given me a much needed break from life here, and a much needed solid, loooooooong prayer time! Praise God for His neverending conversation and exciting stories that fill my head from His Word. However I battle a continuous feeling of guilt, guilt for not providing for my family as I should, for not cleaning our house, or getting the laundry folded, guilt for having it so 'easy' in my room while Wes is the 'mommy'. It's hard to allow others to pray for me while I am there, and it is REALLY hard to tell people I am not feeling well. It just isn't done in this culture, this is really hard to explain but it isn't all bad. Again God is our strength when we are weak. Again God is showing me how I try to do so much on my own strength for all the wrong reasons. So Lord I trust in You, I trust you will give me strength for the tasks You think I need to get done. I trust You will give grace to my family and to Wes that you will help Him to stay strong and not get discouraged by the ongoing pain. I Trust You to provide for my children where I can not and that they will turn to you in their little hearts. Thank you Lord Jesus that I can trust in You and not live this out on my own. Wow you are really amazing Lord.
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Oh Niki, that is so not fun! Although I have never felt the pain you are feeling I am transported back at how hard it was for me to stay in my room and heal after the C-section I had. Same thoughts ran through my head. I am praying for you that you are able to release any guilt you may feel. Love you! Praying continually!
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